'Tough' kid in Year 2: Miss! Miss! I've got 3 snakes and a dog and a hamster and 23 fish and and and...... What've you got?
Me: I've got... nothing.
Kid: But you've got your beautiful music.
Saturday, 30 January 2010
Sunday, 24 January 2010
Yet another stream of consciousness
Where does the weekend go? Can't believe it's Sunday night again.
The G update: now cruising round the furniture, and loves holding onto our hands and 'drunkenly' marching around the room. I'd say she's a couple of months from actual solo walking but definitely heading in the right direction and her growing independence is fun to witness.
The sleeping is slightly better - meaning 2-3 wakenings per night and occcasionally just one. I often sleep with her for the last part of the night as I mentioned in my last post. It helps me and she sometimes sleeps later so it'll do for now. Also Adriano has been giving me a night off once a week and it is sooo appreciated.
She has just about got her 5th and 6th tooth through now. Her smile is starting to look really different with all those teeth! Gone is the gummy baby grin.
Poor little mite has been having a really nasty snotty cold this past week, and since Tuesday night has adamantly refused any breastfeeding, presumeably because it's too hard to breathe. As she had been happy with a bottle of formula for her other 2 feeds of the day I eventually tried her with a bottle at bedtime and she lapped it up with no hesitation, no more crying, and no trouble breathing. I cried a bit at first, I felt so weird. I was too tired after work to 'pump and dump' to keep my supply going, and since then she's been determined not to even try breastfeeding even though I've offered it every day. I think there's a little bit of milk still there, but I suppose I'm realising my heart is not really in it. I just don't want to pump, I feel done with all that. I know breastmilk is super-amazingly-good for her. And I had thought I would give her that feed for months yet. But it seems I am not going to. I think I'm ok with that. And she certainly seems to be. Whether she suddenly wants it again after her cold improves I don't know but I'll cross that bridge when we come to it. A bit of me feels selfish. And another part of me feels like we're just moving on and it's fine. She and I are very close, it's really ok.
Adriano is applying for jobs again and we are fantasising (have I spelt that wrong, it looks wrong) about a life away from London. Mainly because we can have SUCH a better house almost anywhere else. Eg if our budget is about £200K then here we are looking at a 2 bed flat at best. But if we look at, say, Hastings, or Gloucester, we can have a much more spacious 3 or 4 bed house. And very possibly cleaner air too. There is a 3 bed house for sale in our road and it's on the market for way more than £300K. But, but, but.... Here we go again! We had just promised ourselves that we would stay around here because we are finally making local friends! But if we do go elsewhere it would be so much easier to make new friends as a mum. Before I had G we lived in this area for 5 years and I didn't make a single new friend except for work. I tried.
I hate cleaning and housework at the best of times but I'm struggling even more to keep on top of things it feels, now that G is so mobile and so curious. We have a lot of clutter, much to my utter repulsion (I have pmt, can you tell) so I can't just plonk her down in a room while I sort it out because she'll be eating all the stuff lying around - wires, 5p coins, receipts, fluff, dirty socks.... god it sounds like a student house HOW DEPRESSING.
I think what I need, as maybe every mother on the planet, is just a bit of dedicated guilt-free non-rushed time for 'self care' (you know, stuff like dying my roots and defuzzing my legs and oh for a bit of time to put on funky toenail polish). Then maybe I'd have the energy/inclination to find my sensuality and all that jazz. It's lost and it's bothering me but I'm so distracted I barely notice for days on end. Then someone will say something that jogs me and I feel wistful and horribly sad. But hopefully it'll be back one day, because right now I'm a bit too busy cutting my daughter's toenails (finally worked out to do it when she's in her highchair) and wiping squashed banana off the kitchen floor (oh look there's a rice cake from last week) and picking up my husband's clothes from the floor (my favourite auntie suggests nailing them to the floor but I want to tread slightly more carefully with my marriage). But also hearing my gorgeous amazing girl say 'Mama' and hearing her giggle when we play peekaboo, and feeling her head on my shoulder when she's tired, and seeing her point her chubby little finger at me when I come into the room.
The G update: now cruising round the furniture, and loves holding onto our hands and 'drunkenly' marching around the room. I'd say she's a couple of months from actual solo walking but definitely heading in the right direction and her growing independence is fun to witness.
The sleeping is slightly better - meaning 2-3 wakenings per night and occcasionally just one. I often sleep with her for the last part of the night as I mentioned in my last post. It helps me and she sometimes sleeps later so it'll do for now. Also Adriano has been giving me a night off once a week and it is sooo appreciated.
She has just about got her 5th and 6th tooth through now. Her smile is starting to look really different with all those teeth! Gone is the gummy baby grin.
Poor little mite has been having a really nasty snotty cold this past week, and since Tuesday night has adamantly refused any breastfeeding, presumeably because it's too hard to breathe. As she had been happy with a bottle of formula for her other 2 feeds of the day I eventually tried her with a bottle at bedtime and she lapped it up with no hesitation, no more crying, and no trouble breathing. I cried a bit at first, I felt so weird. I was too tired after work to 'pump and dump' to keep my supply going, and since then she's been determined not to even try breastfeeding even though I've offered it every day. I think there's a little bit of milk still there, but I suppose I'm realising my heart is not really in it. I just don't want to pump, I feel done with all that. I know breastmilk is super-amazingly-good for her. And I had thought I would give her that feed for months yet. But it seems I am not going to. I think I'm ok with that. And she certainly seems to be. Whether she suddenly wants it again after her cold improves I don't know but I'll cross that bridge when we come to it. A bit of me feels selfish. And another part of me feels like we're just moving on and it's fine. She and I are very close, it's really ok.
Adriano is applying for jobs again and we are fantasising (have I spelt that wrong, it looks wrong) about a life away from London. Mainly because we can have SUCH a better house almost anywhere else. Eg if our budget is about £200K then here we are looking at a 2 bed flat at best. But if we look at, say, Hastings, or Gloucester, we can have a much more spacious 3 or 4 bed house. And very possibly cleaner air too. There is a 3 bed house for sale in our road and it's on the market for way more than £300K. But, but, but.... Here we go again! We had just promised ourselves that we would stay around here because we are finally making local friends! But if we do go elsewhere it would be so much easier to make new friends as a mum. Before I had G we lived in this area for 5 years and I didn't make a single new friend except for work. I tried.
I hate cleaning and housework at the best of times but I'm struggling even more to keep on top of things it feels, now that G is so mobile and so curious. We have a lot of clutter, much to my utter repulsion (I have pmt, can you tell) so I can't just plonk her down in a room while I sort it out because she'll be eating all the stuff lying around - wires, 5p coins, receipts, fluff, dirty socks.... god it sounds like a student house HOW DEPRESSING.
I think what I need, as maybe every mother on the planet, is just a bit of dedicated guilt-free non-rushed time for 'self care' (you know, stuff like dying my roots and defuzzing my legs and oh for a bit of time to put on funky toenail polish). Then maybe I'd have the energy/inclination to find my sensuality and all that jazz. It's lost and it's bothering me but I'm so distracted I barely notice for days on end. Then someone will say something that jogs me and I feel wistful and horribly sad. But hopefully it'll be back one day, because right now I'm a bit too busy cutting my daughter's toenails (finally worked out to do it when she's in her highchair) and wiping squashed banana off the kitchen floor (oh look there's a rice cake from last week) and picking up my husband's clothes from the floor (my favourite auntie suggests nailing them to the floor but I want to tread slightly more carefully with my marriage). But also hearing my gorgeous amazing girl say 'Mama' and hearing her giggle when we play peekaboo, and feeling her head on my shoulder when she's tired, and seeing her point her chubby little finger at me when I come into the room.
Saturday, 16 January 2010
Sunday, 10 January 2010
Just a quickie to say that G spends a lot of her time lately saying 'Dad' (to everyone) and when she sees a cat she points and says 'cah!' which is gorgeous.
She pulls herself up to standing and is on the verge of cruising around the furniture. She is a delight.
Her eating has slightly gone to pot but we're still managing to get something down her, and I'm trying very hard not to show any negative emotion when she pushes the spoon away for the umpteenth meal in a row. It's going to be OK, it's going to be OK, it's going to be OK...... (where has our 'great little eater' gone? She was great with mush and with finger food before!)
Unfortunately she's not sleeping wonderfully and is waking up to 5 times a night and has forgotten how to settle herself. Oh, sanity, why have you forsaken me? Well I think we know the answer to that one. I tried the 'gradual withdrawal' method but 15 minutes in I couldn't bear it any longer (she cried like her heart was breaking) and went back to holding her hand through the cot bars. I have been thinking about co-sleeping (which she loves) as a considered choice as opposed to a bleary-eyed middle-of-the-night decision, at least for perhaps the latter part of the night. I don't know. Gentle comments welcome.
Teething is a beeyatch! She has 4 teeth now and another trying to come through.
She pulls herself up to standing and is on the verge of cruising around the furniture. She is a delight.
Her eating has slightly gone to pot but we're still managing to get something down her, and I'm trying very hard not to show any negative emotion when she pushes the spoon away for the umpteenth meal in a row. It's going to be OK, it's going to be OK, it's going to be OK...... (where has our 'great little eater' gone? She was great with mush and with finger food before!)
Unfortunately she's not sleeping wonderfully and is waking up to 5 times a night and has forgotten how to settle herself. Oh, sanity, why have you forsaken me? Well I think we know the answer to that one. I tried the 'gradual withdrawal' method but 15 minutes in I couldn't bear it any longer (she cried like her heart was breaking) and went back to holding her hand through the cot bars. I have been thinking about co-sleeping (which she loves) as a considered choice as opposed to a bleary-eyed middle-of-the-night decision, at least for perhaps the latter part of the night. I don't know. Gentle comments welcome.
Teething is a beeyatch! She has 4 teeth now and another trying to come through.
Friday, 1 January 2010
So, 2010 is here.
Rushed entry as usual. Argh. Happy New Year.
Little G has been off-colour and off her food (a first for her) the past few days, so I was pleasantly surprised that she managed to stay asleep yesterday evening while Adriano and I ate a long-awaited Thai take-away meal. At 11pm or thereabouts she woke up sobbing miserably so I didn't fight it. Got ready for bed while Adriano comforted her, then I cuddled her to sleep and put her down next to me in our bed. At midnight Adriano came up to say Happy New Year, and both of us were dozy.
Oh got to go she's awake again.
Oh maybe not, maybe settling herself...
So, where was I?
Things I would like to happen this year (notice I'm not staying they're resolutions):
For us all to stay healthy
Make it to the dentist
Get the house deep-cleaned (by someone else)
Move to the perfect house for us, that we can afford without my income, in a lovely area, where both our families can easily visit us, with 3 bedrooms and an easy-to-care-for garden, loads of natural light and storage space
Laugh a lot
Relax
Sleep better
Dance more
Eat well
Write a story for G
G to enjoy walking and talking (she's nearly there! so exciting)
Chill out about the permanent mess (something I find near impossible. I struggle with it every day)
Got to go, she really is awake this time.
Little G has been off-colour and off her food (a first for her) the past few days, so I was pleasantly surprised that she managed to stay asleep yesterday evening while Adriano and I ate a long-awaited Thai take-away meal. At 11pm or thereabouts she woke up sobbing miserably so I didn't fight it. Got ready for bed while Adriano comforted her, then I cuddled her to sleep and put her down next to me in our bed. At midnight Adriano came up to say Happy New Year, and both of us were dozy.
Oh got to go she's awake again.
Oh maybe not, maybe settling herself...
So, where was I?
Things I would like to happen this year (notice I'm not staying they're resolutions):
For us all to stay healthy
Make it to the dentist
Get the house deep-cleaned (by someone else)
Move to the perfect house for us, that we can afford without my income, in a lovely area, where both our families can easily visit us, with 3 bedrooms and an easy-to-care-for garden, loads of natural light and storage space
Laugh a lot
Relax
Sleep better
Dance more
Eat well
Write a story for G
G to enjoy walking and talking (she's nearly there! so exciting)
Chill out about the permanent mess (something I find near impossible. I struggle with it every day)
Got to go, she really is awake this time.
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About Me
- Lucia
- * proud new mother * last child * youngest daughter * tallest sister * favourite auntie * honest lover * furtive photographer * diary writer * compulsive dancer * tree hugger * mooncup promoter * chocolate taster * house plant murderer *