Friday, 31 December 2010

Happy New Year?

Where to start?

Thank god for my husband and my mum, is something I am feeling very strongly right now. I am going through a horrible time physically, but it's for a good cause. A few days after I wrote that post where I wanted to become pregnant, we did actually manage it. At first I thought 'it won't hold', being the pessimist that I am, but here we are at 12 weeks and I am puking, and puking, and puking. It is just HORRIBLE. I hate the thought of all food but have to eat. Really it is misery. If it wasn't for Adriano and my mum I don't know what would be happening right now - G needs so much care and attention and I HATE that I'm not managing to give her much of it myself.

Last time the serious puking lasted until 16 weeks and then I found a bit of energy from somewhere and I finally stopped throwing up at about 24 weeks I think it was. Or maybe 28. This time it is not slowing down in the slightest yet, so I'm guessing it may do the same.

I feel guilty for feeling so negative about it, because I know many dear friends who are trying to get pregnant and who are probably cursing me for having managed it again. When I stop feeling so bloody awful I expect I will start to feel a bit more excited instead.

We had a scan a couple of days ago, and there is a baby in there which amazed me. I am absolutely sh1tting myself now about the Down's Syndrome test results. We had the triple test which factors in my age (37), the nuchal fold measurement from the back of the baby's neck (seen at the scan) which was 2.8mm - considerably higher than little G's measurement and not at all reassuring as the danger point seems to start officially from about 3mm, and finally the levels of certain hormones from the blood they took from me on the same day. I have a strong feeling we are going to get a 'high risk factor' result, and if that's the case I don't know how to handle it. It's keeping me awake for several hours a night and I can't stop thinking about it during the day. I know I would not choose a euphemistically named 'termination' (luckily Adriano thinks that too) but there are other things to consider such as whether or not to have an amnio. Maybe my customary 'glass half empty' approach will turn into a lovely surprise: a low risk result, but I really don't think so. I am very frightened.

In other news, G is 22 months now and she is so amazing (can you tell I'm her mother). My mum says she talks like a 3 year old (can you tell she's her grandmother). When they're 2 years old they're supposed to be putting 2 words together by then, e.g 'want milk', 'mummy go'.
An example outburst from G last week "Look at the Christmas tree Mummy, I put baubles on it, Daddy put it up high, fairy at top and star, it's so pretty!"..... Oh, she's such a delight I could go on all day about her.

Also, praise the lord she is sleeping better at the moment. She's had a run of sleeping for almost 11 hours straight every night, and it's been a long time coming so we are very happy about it. Long may it last. The last few days have been nap-free as it was getting harder to get her to sleep at those times. Having no break in the day is a bit of a nightmare for us but on the whole she is coping well. Doesn't seem to lengthen her night time sleep though.

I am too pathetic to do a list of stuff for 2010 like I usually do. Never mind. Happy New Year, all 3 of you. Hope it's a marvellous one.


Sarah said...

I don't know whether to congratulate you or console you, maybe a bit of both? :-/ I will say, though, that I had an amnio with Rain and all ended up well and it was nice to not spend months and months worrying. I know there are risks to doing it, but for me it was worth it.

Lucia said...

Thanks Sarah :) I must just wait and see for now... Good to have your experience though. xxx

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* proud new mother * last child * youngest daughter * tallest sister * favourite auntie * honest lover * furtive photographer * diary writer * compulsive dancer * tree hugger * mooncup promoter * chocolate taster * house plant murderer *