Friday, 28 December 2007

In 2007...

As my lovely friend reminded me, last year I did a round-up of the past 12 months, so in no particular order, here's another list.

In 2007 I continued to participate in couple counselling. I decided many contradicting things, ending up with another promise to give our relationship everything I could find within me before calling it a day. I'm glad I held out.

I had an HSG. I had a fair few blood tests. I received a tentative diagnosis of unexplained infertility. I shed many more tears of frustration, anger, sadness, and jealousy.

I overcame my apathy and left my main job. I took a huge leap of faith into a whole new job which is testing and challenging me in so many ways.

I viewed with wonder the support hypnotherapy gave to someone struggling with depression.

Our goldfish, Wanda and Robokiller, both died.

I had my haircut in a bob at three times last count. Actually it might be four. That's quite a record for me; sometimes I don't have my hair cut all year.

I had my nose pierced for the sixth or seventh time. I took it out for the sixth or seventh time. Yawn. I'm a walking cliche.

I still cycle to work; I still do (almost) daily Salutes to the Sun. I went swimming quite a few weeks in a row! The swimming habit was stopped by a string of colds and coughs etc but I'm getting back on it very soon.

I read the last Harry Potter book on the weekend it came out.

I have played the piano more than I have since university. I played in front of an audience and managed to keep my cool (this is major for me).

I stopped teaching samba (for stupid contractual reasons). I miss it. I hope to find more opportunities for it in 2008.

I bought myself flowers every Monday morning a few weeks in a row.

I also received several surprise bouquets of flowers.

I visited Prague and Brussels and Bournemouth and The Green Man Festival.

I went to 2 weddings. At one of them I met this man and his wife.

I went to a double christening.

My auntie made me a birthday cake.

I had 'Happy Birthday' sung to me by a roomful of people I had met just 5 minutes previously.

I played on a Wii.

I was given an iPod nano for Christmas!

I lost touch with a few friends, and got back in touch with others.

I said 'yes'.

I did almost no gardening at all, and it shows.

I managed not to kill any (more) houseplants though.

I wrote on this blog for another year.

I took many many photos. I was given a scary new camera. I would like to use it more in 2008; I'm still a bit afraid of it.

I bought some ruby red slippers.

I was given a ruby.

I succumbed to Faceb**k.

I cuddled my soon-to-be-nephew at just a few weeks old.

I vow for the rest of this year and for 2008 to do as much yoga as I can; to take responsibility for my own feelings as much as possible; to give myself the sleep and fun and food and friendship that I need; to get a cat; to dance more; to eat well; to create a beautiful and honest wedding with Adriano for a fabulous and brave celebration of our ever-growing relationship. And we'll try (again) to move to Brighton, or at least out of London. And while I'm at it I would also like to have children this year please. Thank you.

Sunday, 23 December 2007

Have a Cool Yule, Y'All.

Thank you so much to Adriano for making our home look so Christmassy and welcoming on my return from Hastings. The cupboards and the fridge and freezer are full, we have a lit and decorated tree, and there was even a soppy Christmas film on the box. (And the toilets are scrubbed! Is he one in a million or what!) Adriano has been overstretched lately by work and emotional family demands. I hope we can have a restful and fun Christmas time.

Meanwhile outside the freezing fog descends again.

While I was away this weekend, I went to a gong concert by this guy. I loved it! I think it could have been very giggle-inducing except that Rigulf's introduction and his demeanor set the tone for an hour's meditation.

I love percussion of almost any sort, and I especially love those large and deep singing bowls, so I was in heaven. That is, apart from when I had a coughing fit and had to stand outside for a few minutes. Then when I came back in the door creaked and I accidentally kicked the chair. Oh dear, I am so ungraceful and possibly disgraceful as well.

Christmas can be a hard time for those with fertility problems, and I am feeling it at the moment. I can't seem to tap into my hope. I get messages from friends announcing new pregnancies, and cards with pictures of growing children (one friend I went to school with now has 3). We had an invite to an infant nativity play, and a gathering where last time we went it hurt that we were the only childless couple. I don't want to go again, and STILL be in that role 2 years later. Sometimes I feel at my saddest when Adriano and I are watching funny Christmas films which, in some parallel universe, we might be enjoying with our kids. But instead we are still alone, overgrown kids on the sofa together, still not parents. Feeling our grief.

On a positive note, I am loving being engaged this Christmas. I have had my ring for a week now and I have loved having it admired by friends and family. It's beautiful, and it's a symbol of an amazing request; a leap of faith.

Also, one term down, two to go! The Christmas concert (on St Lucy's Day) went off OK. Adriano came and enjoyed the unintentional hilarity of it. I played many wrong notes on the piano but everyone pretended not to notice.

Anyway time to sign off for a wee while. Merry Christmas! xxx

Monday, 3 December 2007

8 things about me

I've been tagged!

1. I'm getting married on 8.8.08. You probably already know that but it seemed like a good time to mention it again, what with this list being 8 things long...

2. I want twins. I never want to go through the drama and upset of 'trying to conceive' ever again. Better have two in one go, even though that's not ideal for many reasons. I spoke to the hospital this morning, and they still haven't got their IUI licence sorted. They also said I may need more tests and specialist appointments, as I haven't ovulated for the last 2 months (according to this thing). Need I say I'm feeling frustrated and sad and sick of it all? I can't express how horrible and confused I feel when I think of three of my friends who are all due in the next few weeks. That's not how I want to feel about them at all.

3. My wonderful auntie made me a delicious moist birthday cake. Mmmm, I think I'm going to have another piece as soon as I finish this post. I love cake, and birthdays.

4. I love the smell of ironing.

5. My hair drives me crazy. I'm seriously considering dyeing it pink. I have just got the hang of straighteners but I'd much rather have wild curly hair. Mine's neither straight nor curly nor wavy. It goes in on one side and out on the other. Pffft.

6. I'm currently considering what to do about taking on Adriano's surname when we are married. I love my Irish surname, and my mum likes it better than her maiden name so she was happy to use it and says it now feels like hers. At the very least I will keep it as a middle name. I like Adriano's surname too, so it's not like I have to consider taking on 'Shufflebottom' or some such (apologies to the Shufflebottoms of this world). And I think it would be interesting to have a name change; I'm curious about how it would feel. When I was a kid I tried to change my first name all the time! There were so many other kids with my first name; it used to annoy me. I wanted an unusual name. Anyway I would like Adriano to acknowledge that changing my surname is a major deal in terms of my identity. Then we can talk ;o)

7. I have a fast metabolism. As a result I get away with eating pretty much whatever I like. I'm also hungry about every 2 hours and it's a pain. An expensive pain.

8. I love the series Cold Feet and for my birthday Adriano bought me the entire series on dvd. Woohoo! I'm just off to watch an episode now... (Lesson planning be damned.)

Un-gutted / Dis-gutted

Oh hang on! I just remembered that last night we agreed we would spend New Year in London this year. The plan involves a possible scooter journey, and a flask of hot chocolate, and (I hope very much) watching fireworks on a bridge somewhere near the South Bank. Along with about 250,000 others, probably.


The New Year holiday to Iceland I have had my eye on, the almost-affordable week-long trip to the Blue Lagoon and maybe a glimpse of the Northern Lights....has now gone up by a couple of hundred quid and is out of the price range completely. We've left it too late.

I'm so disappointed.

About Me

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* proud new mother * last child * youngest daughter * tallest sister * favourite auntie * honest lover * furtive photographer * diary writer * compulsive dancer * tree hugger * mooncup promoter * chocolate taster * house plant murderer *

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