Sunday, 23 June 2013

Home education: yes or no

We are very seriously considering home educating G.  I have done so much research over the last decade, on different approaches, benefits, drawbacks, etc.  Now I feel that I can't 'un-know' what I have learnt.  Adriano is very open to it, I am happy and relieved to say.  I, however am totally ready to go for it.  G is enrolled at a school which we are not totally put off, but are not sure about.  It was not one on our list.  She lately says she doesn't want to go.  Currently she is experiencing a renewed separation anxiety, which has even led us (to my surprise, but it really feels right, now) to end her preschool sessions.  Let me be clear, I am often described by my friends as the most sociable person they know, and G is the same.  There is no shortage of socialisation in her life, and I can't see that there ever will be.  She just wants to stay close to me (us) at the moment particularly, and at aged 4, how can we deny her this?  Not all families have the choice but we deliberately chose our new home & mortgage situation so that we could cope on one income if need be.  We are not necessarily planning that Adriano should forever be the sole breadwinner (I really need to earn some money now, for the balance of our relationship, among other things), but it is possible for us to continue a bit longer as we are, especially as C is only turning 2 years old next month.

I have so much more to say but I'll stop here for now.  More at some point I'm sure.

Sunday, 2 June 2013

Another self obsessed stream of consciousness

I really want to get back to the days where I wrote more, and more often, on this blog.  Partly to document our lives a bit, and help me remember these days, and also because I think that when I write (or maybe after I write) I feel good.  And I could do with some release.  Sometimes when I read other blogs I have a flicker of a feeling of actually having something important to say...but then my fatigue gets in the way and I revert back to my mind's vague inarticulate ramblings.  Very frustrating.

Another release I need is to get back to singing and playing the piano.  I used to do both so much, and it seems that the more I sing, the stronger I feel mentally.

I am so so grateful to be a full time mum right now, but hanging out as a lone adult with 2 small children takes a certain mental strength.

My evenings are spent staring at the TV/laptop in my pajamas, and I've been doing that for nearly 5 years now.  I would like a bit of my life back please.  Not at the expense of what I give the girls, but I do need some sort of fuel now, to carry on giving at this pace.

Sometimes, I suppose because life is so hectic during the day, once I am sitting down for the evening, into the chasm suddenly floods a huge feeling of my own inadequacy, and a strong feeling of impending doom.  Maybe this is just because I am lucky enough to be a mum to 2 lovely children, something I have wanted since I was 16.  So anything else would just be crapper than that.

Going to bed now.  Ever hopeful of a full nights' sleep, something else I've not had much of in the last 5 years. 

About Me

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* proud new mother * last child * youngest daughter * tallest sister * favourite auntie * honest lover * furtive photographer * diary writer * compulsive dancer * tree hugger * mooncup promoter * chocolate taster * house plant murderer *