Sunday, 21 October 2007


On our way to Brighton we saw a shooting star.
We're home already and I miss the sea.

Tuesday, 9 October 2007

A public yet private moan. Please avert your eyes.

It's not been an easy day today.
I feel stressed.
I am fed up with feeling stressed.
On Friday I wondered if it might be levelling out and at least not getting any worse (I'm talking about my job) but today it went downhill even before 9am. They were just crazy. And the weather didn't help - 2 wet playtimes in a day meant they stayed in their same old classroom almost the whole day. Not good.

I am not enjoying this job.

I know it's only 5 weeks in, but I would like to have at least one day (or even one lesson) where I felt some job satisfaction and joy instead of just struggle.

Then there's the fact that I'm the unofficial music co-ordinator and can't be it officially because it will break the contract of my last job. But I'm still expected to do all the duties as if it were official. (They don't pay extra for these responsibilities, unlike every other school I've ever known, so I suppose at least I'm not missing out there. )

Then there's the performance management. I feel that my only target (god I hate that word - bad connotations) should be 'survive'. I wonder if they'd go for that.

I'm such a weed I'm actually too frightened to hand in my notice because they're all so flipping capable and take on so much more than I do. And also because they are nice people who are bending over backwards to help me but I don't want to do this for a whole year. And also because if I don't do this I will have to find another job and I don't want to do that either.

Also we have had some work done in our (still crappy) kitchen, and the guy who did it left the place in an absolute tip. He's coming again tomorrow to finish off and clean up but tonight it's horrible and I hate it.

Also we went to the hospital today and I 'probably' ovulated last month according to my blood tests, but still our next option is superovulation (ie Clomid) and IUI. We get 4 goes at that if we want to (once the hospital gains a licence for IUIs - another few months to wait) and if that doesn't work it's IVF or adoption or nothing.

Good things:
  • a little girl drew me a picture today
  • two MSAs said something nice to me today
  • somehow I got through the day
  • Adriano and I danced to 'Perfect Day' just now in the living room
  • we had take-away pizza for dinner and it was hot and tasty
  • I didn't feel annoyed with the specialist (like I did last time)
  • I now have dry socks on, which feels like bliss after getting soaked feet during a rainy cycle ride
  • the TV is off
  • I thought I had deleted this post but no, here it is, in all its moany glory!

Friday, 5 October 2007

Role reversal

I was given this sticker by a 7 year old girl.

Another week rolls by

My first week without any tears! In school, that is. I think a few may have been shed at home. But only a few.
That's not to say I'm liking it any better, unfortunately. I'm missing teaching music; I'm not doing nearly enough of that. I'm thinking of starting a lunchtime singing group but I'm not sure I've got the energy for that yet! Besides I sometimes need lunchtimes to discuss what I'll be teaching during the afternoon.

The class I had this morning were doing regular verb endings, in particular adding '-ed' to certain words. We did lots of examples on the board, then they did some worksheets, then afterwards I asked them to make up some sentences using the words they had learnt today. Having not really marked written work before, my marking tends to be rather laboured and haphazard, and you're not supposed to correct words unless they are in their 'already covered' list, apparently. But even bearing those things in mind, number 8 totally stumped me:

I locked myself in the cupboard. I hated my homework. I loved my mum. I shouted out 'bogies'. I killed my sister. I ran away from my house. I shut my mouth. I farted at a bumblebee and it died.

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* proud new mother * last child * youngest daughter * tallest sister * favourite auntie * honest lover * furtive photographer * diary writer * compulsive dancer * tree hugger * mooncup promoter * chocolate taster * house plant murderer *

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