Sunday, 31 January 2010

There is peace in my heart today. Somewhere in there. I think it's because I've done lots of washing.

Saturday, 30 January 2010

just for the record


* Girl doing her liquid eyeliner on the tube. How? I can't manage it stationary! gracie sat up no wobbles about a minute today. 6:13 AM Aug 21st, 2009 from txt

* Downsides of motherhood so far: poo, lack of sleep. Upsides: baby, frequent cake. 7:44 AM Aug 17th, 2009 from txt

* Gracie getting good at reaching for toys she's dropped and picking up again. When i applaud she beams and looks proud. 6:34 AM Aug 17th, 2009 from txt

* Gracie had her first chip today! Am doing a bit of co-sleeping. Not getting any more kip but less stressed at repeated waking. 8:28 AM Aug 15th, 2009 from txt

* Gracie has started to flap her arms in the last few days. She is very nearly sitting up. Sleeping dire. 3:36 AM Aug 13th, 2009 from txt

* Gracie awake from 12.50am to 3.30am, then again at 5.30am til 7am. *sob* 6:21 AM Aug 7th, 2009 from web

* The moon (full?) looked incredible at quarter past one this morning. Such bright light and few tiny clouds. 3:41 AM Aug 6th, 2009 from txt

* stupid, stupid to hope. one of worst nights last night. begged for mercy at 5am and swapped roles with husband. argh. 5:32 AM Aug 4th, 2009 from web

* Gracie slept soundly from 9ish to 6.30ish with just one feed at 2am. dare i hope? 1:38 AM Aug 3rd, 2009 from txt

* just booed my eyes out at the Gavin and Stacy episode where Nessa has the baby. also cried today at baby singing class. hormones, anyone? 1:00 PM Jul 31st, 2009 from web

* G up from 3.45am to 5.20am this morning. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? !!!!!!! 4:27 AM Jul 30th, 2009 from web

* Got caught in the rain,now sky perfectly blue.Trying again w. avocado mush today. Not keen yest. Carrots so-so. Cauliflower: definite uh-uh. 4:26 AM Jul 30th, 2009 from web

* I may be shattered but today the sun is out and gracie is napping after a free massage class. Life feels good. 3:31 AM Jul 30th, 2009 from txt

* Gracie enjoys rubbing noses Eskimo style. Has forgotten how to roll from front to back. 10:50 AM Jul 28th, 2009 from txt

* Gracie can now hold onto a fave toy (red bird) tight enough to shake it and make it tweet by herself. She also sucks her own toes now. 10:48 AM Jul 28th, 2009 from txt

* Gracie loves it if u flap a large piece of material a few inches away from her so it creates a breeze. Best smiles. 10:46 AM Jul 28th, 2009 from txt

* Gracie's intro to cauliflower not a success. First thing she's refused tho! 10:45 AM Jul 28th, 2009 from txt

* so tired. g having nap after grisly hour. do I have lunch or nap? so tired. 4:39 AM Jul 28th, 2009 from web

* Fairly decent night last night! I went to bed at 8.40pm (that's right) and up at 5.45am. Only one feed in between. HALLELUJAH. 12:54 AM Jul 17th, 2009 from web

* Just gave G baby rice after feed again. This time she polished it all off and looked for more! No going back now methinks. 10:48 AM Jul 15th, 2009 from web

* Just took 45 mins to get G to nap...for 45 mins. I then ate half a pack of biscuits. Think the two are related? 10:28 AM Jul 15th, 2009 from web

* just taken 2 hours to get G to sleep for the night. so tired. 1:17 PM Jul 14th, 2009 from web

* Gracie dressed from head to toe in pink today. 'Boy, is it?' says man in lift... 10:35 AM Jul 10th, 2009 from txt

* Baby gym class surprisingly good. inspired gracie to do her v first roll from back to front, straight after the class! Am proud. 9:24 AM Jul 3rd, 2009 from txt

* Off to 'baby gym' organised by a friend. Does this mean gracie will get more defined abs? 6:01 AM Jul 3rd, 2009 from txt

* Watching murray and Troicki. Gracie wriggling on floor, she's found her own feet and grabs them. Lunch out with a's mum earlier. 11:12 AM Jun 27th, 2009 from txt

* G is snoring. SO like her father. 9:50 AM Jun 26th, 2009 from web

* Heart-warming moment of the day: holding my face close to G while she explores my mouth and nose and cheeks with her chubby hands. 7:25 AM Jun 26th, 2009 from web

* G has had 3 jabs today. keeping watch. dosing up with Calpol. her sleeping is dreadful at the mo, she seems fine but we are pale over here! 7:19 AM Jun 26th, 2009 from web

* @morecheerful yes I think teething. apparently can be 3 months before first tooth actually appears though! she's 4 months old today :) 7:42 AM Jun 25th, 2009 from web in reply to morecheerful

* It wasn't a long nap. Don't know how to make them longer! Am going to start expressing milk today, been putting it off for ages. 5:21 AM Jun 24th, 2009 from txt

* Hoping G has long nap, I'm shattered. 4:45 AM Jun 24th, 2009 from web

* Little G is dribbling for England, trying to gnaw her hand off and growling like a dog. surely too early for teethng?! 9:27 AM Jun 17th, 2009 from txt

* Ducks Walk, Richmond. Dogs,prams,bikes. Squashed stag beetle,honeysuckle. Man asking directions. G asleep with undone sleepsuit. 5:03 AM Jun 15th, 2009 from txt

* littleG just rolled from front to back, twice! Hooray! 5:54 AM Jun 9th, 2009 from web

* @morecheerful just seen yr comment on flickr - yes bib washes in machine no problem at all! It's my favourite one for lots of reasons :) 10:34 AM Jun 7th, 2009 from web in reply to morecheerful

* watching littleG groove on to The Animals: Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood. 7:46 AM Jun 5th, 2009 from web

* @tobych yes I sometimes use a sling. G doesn't like the lovely hippy one I bought! but loves the baby bjorn I was lent by a neighbour. 10:40 AM Jun 4th, 2009 from web in reply to tobych

* trying to time bedtime well tonight. here's hoping for less than 3 feeds and no settling in between. sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, baby, sleeep. 12:16 PM May 31st, 2009 from web

* Feel luckiest ever.walking river path with sleepy G to meet mum & sister. Warm sunny day. Am happy :) 1:45 AM May 29th, 2009 from txt

* watching over littleG carefully; she had her2nd lot of jabs today.She was a trooper. She now weighs almost 14lb,still hovering 75th centile. 8:13 AM May 28th, 2009 from web

* about to eat the finest of curries. I hope. Mild of course, for littleG's sake... 9:03 AM May 16th, 2009 from web

* filled pasta with Jamie Oliver sauce for dinner. yum. my job to do washing up afterwards. Adrian's turn to put littleG to bed 11:13 AM May 15th, 2009 from web

* must celebrate daughter's first ever laughter today :) amazing 10:55 AM May 15th, 2009 from web

* hoping I'll be up less than 5 times tonight 10:55 AM May 15th, 2009 from web

* insomnia and more threatening mastitis. that's all I'm saying. 9:02 AM May 8th, 2009 from web

* wondering how come littleG can go 5 hours without food some mornings, but not at night... 5:46 AM May 6th, 2009 from web

* when will my daughter ever sleep? i am so tired 10:51 AM May 5th, 2009 from web

* Why do people only phone when little G has just gone down for a nap? 6:22 AM May 3rd, 2009 from web

* listening in on the baby monitor to those sleepy snuffles. wondering if I can fit in a quick bowl of Superfoods Muesli before littleG wakes 1:59 AM Apr 22nd, 2009 from web

* watching littleG stuff her right fist into her mouth. every now and then she puts her fingers too far in and makes a choking noise. 3:22 AM Apr 21st, 2009 from web

* hoping tesco delivery will wait til littleG has finished her feed before they arrive. otherwise they will be greeted by a large white boob. 2:46 AM Apr 21st, 2009 from web

* admiring daffs now in full bloom, smiling at thought of 5 babies in my living room this afternoon, listening to Adrian pottering in kitchen 11:40 AM Apr 20th, 2009 from web

* thinking that twitter highlights what a mundane existence I lead. thank goodness for littleG's smiles 3:19 AM Apr 20th, 2009 from web

* resorting to The Hut for dinner tonight, playing with small daughter, admiring cleaner if not clean house 11:04 AM Apr 19th, 2009 from web

* feeling happy that Adrian's doing the nappy *evil laugh* 8:41 AM Apr 19th, 2009 from web

* fighting off a cold, cleaning the house, listening to littleG filling nappy, staring at daffodills, 8:31 AM Apr 19th, 2009 from web

* oh dear, there is grunting 4:07 AM Apr 19th, 2009 from web

* hoping I can get to the end of this cuppa before littleG wakes up 4:05 AM Apr 19th, 2009 from web
Well Little G is now 11 months old and the big countdown begins to her 1st birthday. This time last year I was huuuuuge and about two weeks away from getting seriously uncomfortable. I still had no stretch marks at this point, hahahahahahaha.

This morning G walked haltingly but successfully across the room holding onto her baby walker (the lovely wooden box on wheels that she got for Xmas from my parents). Then she fell onto her knees. Then she fell over sideways, bashed her head on the table and the walker fell on top of her because she didn't let go of the handle. She was fairly unfazed though.

God I love her.

Skool Days

'Tough' kid in Year 2: Miss! Miss! I've got 3 snakes and a dog and a hamster and 23 fish and and and...... What've you got?
Me: I've got... nothing.
Kid: But you've got your beautiful music.

Sunday, 24 January 2010

Yet another stream of consciousness

Where does the weekend go? Can't believe it's Sunday night again.

The G update: now cruising round the furniture, and loves holding onto our hands and 'drunkenly' marching around the room. I'd say she's a couple of months from actual solo walking but definitely heading in the right direction and her growing independence is fun to witness.

The sleeping is slightly better - meaning 2-3 wakenings per night and occcasionally just one. I often sleep with her for the last part of the night as I mentioned in my last post. It helps me and she sometimes sleeps later so it'll do for now. Also Adriano has been giving me a night off once a week and it is sooo appreciated.

She has just about got her 5th and 6th tooth through now. Her smile is starting to look really different with all those teeth! Gone is the gummy baby grin.

Poor little mite has been having a really nasty snotty cold this past week, and since Tuesday night has adamantly refused any breastfeeding, presumeably because it's too hard to breathe. As she had been happy with a bottle of formula for her other 2 feeds of the day I eventually tried her with a bottle at bedtime and she lapped it up with no hesitation, no more crying, and no trouble breathing. I cried a bit at first, I felt so weird. I was too tired after work to 'pump and dump' to keep my supply going, and since then she's been determined not to even try breastfeeding even though I've offered it every day. I think there's a little bit of milk still there, but I suppose I'm realising my heart is not really in it. I just don't want to pump, I feel done with all that. I know breastmilk is super-amazingly-good for her. And I had thought I would give her that feed for months yet. But it seems I am not going to. I think I'm ok with that. And she certainly seems to be. Whether she suddenly wants it again after her cold improves I don't know but I'll cross that bridge when we come to it. A bit of me feels selfish. And another part of me feels like we're just moving on and it's fine. She and I are very close, it's really ok.

Adriano is applying for jobs again and we are fantasising (have I spelt that wrong, it looks wrong) about a life away from London. Mainly because we can have SUCH a better house almost anywhere else. Eg if our budget is about £200K then here we are looking at a 2 bed flat at best. But if we look at, say, Hastings, or Gloucester, we can have a much more spacious 3 or 4 bed house. And very possibly cleaner air too. There is a 3 bed house for sale in our road and it's on the market for way more than £300K. But, but, but.... Here we go again! We had just promised ourselves that we would stay around here because we are finally making local friends! But if we do go elsewhere it would be so much easier to make new friends as a mum. Before I had G we lived in this area for 5 years and I didn't make a single new friend except for work. I tried.

I hate cleaning and housework at the best of times but I'm struggling even more to keep on top of things it feels, now that G is so mobile and so curious. We have a lot of clutter, much to my utter repulsion (I have pmt, can you tell) so I can't just plonk her down in a room while I sort it out because she'll be eating all the stuff lying around - wires, 5p coins, receipts, fluff, dirty socks.... god it sounds like a student house HOW DEPRESSING.

I think what I need, as maybe every mother on the planet, is just a bit of dedicated guilt-free non-rushed time for 'self care' (you know, stuff like dying my roots and defuzzing my legs and oh for a bit of time to put on funky toenail polish). Then maybe I'd have the energy/inclination to find my sensuality and all that jazz. It's lost and it's bothering me but I'm so distracted I barely notice for days on end. Then someone will say something that jogs me and I feel wistful and horribly sad. But hopefully it'll be back one day, because right now I'm a bit too busy cutting my daughter's toenails (finally worked out to do it when she's in her highchair) and wiping squashed banana off the kitchen floor (oh look there's a rice cake from last week) and picking up my husband's clothes from the floor (my favourite auntie suggests nailing them to the floor but I want to tread slightly more carefully with my marriage). But also hearing my gorgeous amazing girl say 'Mama' and hearing her giggle when we play peekaboo, and feeling her head on my shoulder when she's tired, and seeing her point her chubby little finger at me when I come into the room.

Sunday, 10 January 2010

Just a quickie to say that G spends a lot of her time lately saying 'Dad' (to everyone) and when she sees a cat she points and says 'cah!' which is gorgeous.
She pulls herself up to standing and is on the verge of cruising around the furniture. She is a delight.

Her eating has slightly gone to pot but we're still managing to get something down her, and I'm trying very hard not to show any negative emotion when she pushes the spoon away for the umpteenth meal in a row. It's going to be OK, it's going to be OK, it's going to be OK...... (where has our 'great little eater' gone? She was great with mush and with finger food before!)

Unfortunately she's not sleeping wonderfully and is waking up to 5 times a night and has forgotten how to settle herself. Oh, sanity, why have you forsaken me? Well I think we know the answer to that one. I tried the 'gradual withdrawal' method but 15 minutes in I couldn't bear it any longer (she cried like her heart was breaking) and went back to holding her hand through the cot bars. I have been thinking about co-sleeping (which she loves) as a considered choice as opposed to a bleary-eyed middle-of-the-night decision, at least for perhaps the latter part of the night. I don't know. Gentle comments welcome.

Teething is a beeyatch! She has 4 teeth now and another trying to come through.

Friday, 1 January 2010

So, 2010 is here.

Rushed entry as usual. Argh. Happy New Year.

Little G has been off-colour and off her food (a first for her) the past few days, so I was pleasantly surprised that she managed to stay asleep yesterday evening while Adriano and I ate a long-awaited Thai take-away meal. At 11pm or thereabouts she woke up sobbing miserably so I didn't fight it. Got ready for bed while Adriano comforted her, then I cuddled her to sleep and put her down next to me in our bed. At midnight Adriano came up to say Happy New Year, and both of us were dozy.

Oh got to go she's awake again.

Oh maybe not, maybe settling herself...

So, where was I?

Things I would like to happen this year (notice I'm not staying they're resolutions):

For us all to stay healthy
Make it to the dentist
Get the house deep-cleaned (by someone else)
Move to the perfect house for us, that we can afford without my income, in a lovely area, where both our families can easily visit us, with 3 bedrooms and an easy-to-care-for garden, loads of natural light and storage space
Laugh a lot
Sleep better
Dance more
Eat well
Write a story for G
G to enjoy walking and talking (she's nearly there! so exciting)
Chill out about the permanent mess (something I find near impossible. I struggle with it every day)

Got to go, she really is awake this time.

About Me

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* proud new mother * last child * youngest daughter * tallest sister * favourite auntie * honest lover * furtive photographer * diary writer * compulsive dancer * tree hugger * mooncup promoter * chocolate taster * house plant murderer *

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