Stream of consciousness

I am a zombie. I have nothing interesting to say. G is now 5 months old. She continues to love her daily mush, and now takes a bottle of formula a day too. From tomorrow it'll be 2 bottles, and it feels sad but necessary. I'm glad she's taking it without fuss because it stops me from being so melodramatic about it. Adriano is cooking us fish and chips and peas for dinner. We are both shattered: him from a stag do, me from a night of looking after G on my own. It was such a help to have him around for the bedtime stuff tonight. I sometimes 'over supervise' him (his words and I know they're true) so I'm trying to back off! I don't want to do that. I don't know how he puts up with me sometimes. We've had G in our room these past months, and we're now planning the move from her crib to a cot, and on her own. At the moment you have to go through our spare room to reach the bathroom so she can't sleep in there because we'll wake her every time we get ready for bed etc. So we're probably going to leave her in our current bedroom by herself and move our bed into the spare room. But it's smaller so we can only fit the bed in there and nothing else. So instead of sleeping with us, G will be sleeping with all the stuff that is currently in the spare room. Ugh.

Dinner's ready, got to go.

Matchsticks required

Last night G was up at midnight, 2am, 3am, 4am, and 6am.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I am so effing tired.

G's sleeping has been dire for the past month now.

I got 'nothing' done today but we had a good day. We ended by actually enjoying the bedtime routine for perhaps the first time. Far fewer tears. Longer bath, which I think helped.

Need to go to bed now.

Where to start?

I've been trying to write a blog post for a long time.

I've been having huge issues with sleep, or rather lack of it, and it's not over yet. (Maybe when G is 3, suggests one cruel-but-honest friend.)

I'm coping. Just. With a lot of support from Adriano. Who is also exhausted. And has lots of family issues among other trials. And why am I typing weird short sentences?

I love G so much and understand why people call it a 'fierce' love.

I like being the mum (and even 'the wife'!) in our new little family unit. It feels so good.

I'm such a worrier; I lie awake at night and wonder how to work the logistics of leaving G while I go to work for 2 days a week in Sept. I realise I am very lucky to only be going 2 days per week.

G can now roll over in both directions although occasionally still gets stuck. I love the look of triumph on her face when she manages it.

She's had 2 lots of baby rice now (in spite of the WHO saying wait until 6 months. I have my reasons.) I'm considering starting to mix feed her with formula soon and am trying to come to terms with that because in many ways it will cut a lot of stress. And I'm hoping she can still have a breastmilk feed at least once in the day or night. I won't miss the mastitis. Or the leaking, although I guess that can still happen. Lovely.

She giggles in an understated but very cute way when I kiss her neck or ribs. She continues to look just like Adriano although every now and then I catch something of me in her look.

Seeing friends helps on my darker days. It's mostly just lack of sleep that drives me crazy.

She's napping now but I know she'll be finished in 10 mins and I just had to eat something, otherwise I would be napping now too.

I have read a hell of a lot of sleep books now. Apparently babies her age should have a minimum of 4 hours naps per day. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Although at times I desperately need a break from G, when I have an hour or two without her I miss her. Classic!

I often change her nappy around 5am and she gives me such lovely smiles in the quiet early morning light.

a favourite pic of mine

strangely the bowl shrunk too