Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Where to start?

I've been trying to write a blog post for a long time.

I've been having huge issues with sleep, or rather lack of it, and it's not over yet. (Maybe when G is 3, suggests one cruel-but-honest friend.)

I'm coping. Just. With a lot of support from Adriano. Who is also exhausted. And has lots of family issues among other trials. And why am I typing weird short sentences?

I love G so much and understand why people call it a 'fierce' love.

I like being the mum (and even 'the wife'!) in our new little family unit. It feels so good.

I'm such a worrier; I lie awake at night and wonder how to work the logistics of leaving G while I go to work for 2 days a week in Sept. I realise I am very lucky to only be going 2 days per week.
G can now roll over in both directions although occasionally still gets stuck. I love the look of triumph on her face when she manages it.

She's had 2 lots of baby rice now (in spite of the WHO saying wait until 6 months. I have my reasons.) I'm considering starting to mix feed her with formula soon and am trying to come to terms with that because in many ways it will cut a lot of stress. And I'm hoping she can still have a breastmilk feed at least once in the day or night. I won't miss the mastitis. Or the leaking, although I guess that can still happen. Lovely.

She giggles in an understated but very cute way when I kiss her neck or ribs. She continues to look just like Adriano although every now and then I catch something of me in her look.

Seeing friends helps on my darker days. It's mostly just lack of sleep that drives me crazy.
She's napping now but I know she'll be finished in 10 mins and I just had to eat something, otherwise I would be napping now too.

I have read a hell of a lot of sleep books now. Apparently babies her age should have a minimum of 4 hours naps per day. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Although at times I desperately need a break from G, when I have an hour or two without her I miss her. Classic!

I often change her nappy around 5am and she gives me such lovely smiles in the quiet early morning light.


S. said...

The thing with the sleeping is that it changes over time but so gradually that you never notice it until, months later, you'll reread this post and think, oh, that's right, I remember that, thinks are much better now.

It's a shame because you never really get to appreciate the change over to when you start getting more sleep. Although I do think it'll happen before she's three. :-) Eden's only three now and it's hard for me to even remember those long ago days of exhaustion. So there's hope! :-)

Cheerful One said...

Lots of hugs to you. I suspect she likes being with her Mummy too much to sleep x

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