Monday, 20 February 2012

Sticking my neck out, with passion, if not eloquence

I would have gone back to work tomorrow, had I not resigned.

I would not have resigned if a) my job had not been changed, and b) we were not moving area (still don't know where)


I feel rage boiling inside me that it is not possible for me, as the mother of my children, to put ALL of the energy I would put into an earning-a-living job into being there for them.  Being a mother all the time is incredibly challenging: I shout, I grumble, I put the TV on too much, I sigh and tut.  But I also hug, console, organise, clean, create, cook, praise, invent, advise, share, a million other things...including love those two girls with every fibre of my fiercely protective heart.  I am their mother, a fact I am still in awe of. 

I want to be there for them at any point of the day (OK, and night if I must, haha) that they feel the need.  I don't want them to have to wonder for even an instant 'What day is it, will Mummy be there?', I want them to have the assurance that my only role is to be there for them, just like I had with my Mum. 

F***ing stupid government/economy/blah which seeks only to reward the parents who hand over the care of their children to paid strangers, and gives F**K ALL to those parents who, surprise surprise, want to share the care of their own children.  Or who are lucky enough to have willing and able grandparents to look after the children while they work. 

There is fury inside me, I'm telling you. 


Plummy Mummy said...

Didn't want to leave this post without saying something but alas, I don't have much to say. I hope you find somewhere to live soon and that leads to a job if that's what you want. I empathise with your frustration though as it seems somehow that in becoming a mother you are forced to miss out on other aspects of being a modern woman.
As for the govt. sigh. They are naff.
Good for you wanting to be there for your girls as there are so many who are other things before they are mothers and I feel sorry for them.

Lucia said...

Thank you. Right now I am not too fussed about missing out on the other aspects of being a modern woman, because this bit of intense at-home-all-the-time childcare is not forever, plus I wanted it for so long. I'm sure I would be more bothered if this was it forever. But I've never really wanted anything as much as I wanted to experience motherhood. I'm very lucky to have got my wish and I'll be darned if I'm going to give my kids to someone else and miss out on this preschool stage. I just don't understand how others do it, but more to the point I feel anger that families are not helped financially to look after their own. I can see the impossiblities of this from the government's point of view, but surely it's better for a child than putting them in the care of non-family (unless there is violence in the home etc etc)

Arghhhh, I've clearly still got some ranting left to do. Sick of sitting on the fence though!!!!!

Hugs to you and thanks for commenting xxx

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* proud new mother * last child * youngest daughter * tallest sister * favourite auntie * honest lover * furtive photographer * diary writer * compulsive dancer * tree hugger * mooncup promoter * chocolate taster * house plant murderer *