Thursday, 2 August 2007

Navel-gazing

I am in a strange no-man's land in so many ways.
I have 6 working days left of my current job. I feel ready to go but also quite emotional and nervous about actually leaving.
I have felt really quite low today. Also yesterday I was pretty teary after digesting the fact that yet again I'm not pregnant. I ache with it. This time at least there's some movement on that front though, as I finally have an HSG appointment for a week's time. I really hope I get some helpful information from that, and I hope goes smoothly, and preferably without pain.
There's a bit of relationship backstory relating to this month's lack of pregnancy, so I'm contemplating that too, and wondering whether I'm dwelling on it too much or not enough (sorry to be cryptic but it's unbloggable).
Also I've been having some really disturbing dreams lately. Like being strangled by my boyfriend. Luckily I know he would never hurt me so I'm sure it's not prophetic! But it was seriously horrible and I woke up sobbing.

Things I am thankful for:
Friendliness and sense of humour of my colleagues.
Beautiful pictures of nature sent to me yesterday.
Lunch with girlie friends, and promises to meet up more in the future.
Prospect of going to see my friend T and her children and her new chickens tomorrow.
Texts from my caring mum and dad.
Loving, interesting, funny emails from my brother.
A live performance of Britten's piano concerto at a Prom concert this last week.

Things I am hoping for in the near future:
A good night's sleep.
A lottery win. Any kind of lottery, as long as the prize is good.

1 comment:

nikoline said...

as ever, sending loving thoughts for the fulfillment of your heart's desires, and for meaning-making of your struggles.

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* proud new mother * last child * youngest daughter * tallest sister * favourite auntie * honest lover * furtive photographer * diary writer * compulsive dancer * tree hugger * mooncup promoter * chocolate taster * house plant murderer *

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