Thank you so much to Adriano for making our home look so Christmassy and welcoming on my return from Hastings. The cupboards and the fridge and freezer are full, we have a lit and decorated tree, and there was even a soppy Christmas film on the box. (And the toilets are scrubbed! Is he one in a million or what!) Adriano has been overstretched lately by work and emotional family demands. I hope we can have a restful and fun Christmas time.
Meanwhile outside the freezing fog descends again.
While I was away this weekend, I went to a gong concert by this guy. I loved it! I think it could have been very giggle-inducing except that Rigulf's introduction and his demeanor set the tone for an hour's meditation.
I love percussion of almost any sort, and I especially love those large and deep singing bowls, so I was in heaven. That is, apart from when I had a coughing fit and had to stand outside for a few minutes. Then when I came back in the door creaked and I accidentally kicked the chair. Oh dear, I am so ungraceful and possibly disgraceful as well.
Christmas can be a hard time for those with fertility problems, and I am feeling it at the moment. I can't seem to tap into my hope. I get messages from friends announcing new pregnancies, and cards with pictures of growing children (one friend I went to school with now has 3). We had an invite to an infant nativity play, and a gathering where last time we went it hurt that we were the only childless couple. I don't want to go again, and STILL be in that role 2 years later. Sometimes I feel at my saddest when Adriano and I are watching funny Christmas films which, in some parallel universe, we might be enjoying with our kids. But instead we are still alone, overgrown kids on the sofa together, still not parents. Feeling our grief.
On a positive note, I am loving being engaged this Christmas. I have had my ring for a week now and I have loved having it admired by friends and family. It's beautiful, and it's a symbol of an amazing request; a leap of faith.
Also, one term down, two to go! The Christmas concert (on St Lucy's Day) went off OK. Adriano came and enjoyed the unintentional hilarity of it. I played many wrong notes on the piano but everyone pretended not to notice.
Anyway time to sign off for a wee while. Merry Christmas! xxx
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