Thursday, 8 July 2010


We have had such a strange couple of days over here.

Tuesday, 5.50am, a digital pregnancy test turned positive, 2 days after my due-on-date, therefore at least 99% accurate result. Cue our heads spinning; butterflies in my tummy every time I thought of it; fear, joy, terror, wonder; looking at Little G as a big sister and not as an only child, etc etc etc.

Wednesday, 10pm, i.e. 40 hours later, my period arrived. So that was that.

Am a bit confused, but grateful that if it was going to end 'badly' it happened sooner rather later.

I realise how lucky I am: no matter what happens we have Little G. I know very well the pain of having only the disappointment to contend with. This time it was so different. I am lucky, no doubt about that.

Last weekend had visiting friend from Oz (hello K!) who I had not seen for 5 years - so good to catch up. I felt that my attention was so divided -so much I wanted to ask her but looking after Little G at the same time made straightforward communication a challenge. K was very patient with me interrupting tales of her last few years with such interjections as 'Yes, Gracie, a banana!' etc. If I hadn't done that we'd have heard G repeating her word for banana at 1 second intervals for hours.

Went to a concert: Ravel Piano Concerto for LH and Mahler 9. Enjoyed the Ravel hugely; the Mahler was great but about half an hour too long for my much-reduced attention span. I didn't get sucked in (in a good way) as I had for his 5th once at a BBC Prom.

Got to go, G has gone to sleep quite early tonight so must prepare for possible 5am start tomorrow. Am still suffering horribly with insomnia. Have decided to give up expecting sympathy for it from anyone whatsoever (except my mum, who can find sympathy for axe-murderers, probably). Will try very hard to stop moaning about it, but I HAVE NOT SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR 2 YEARS. You get the picture. Perhaps.

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* proud new mother * last child * youngest daughter * tallest sister * favourite auntie * honest lover * furtive photographer * diary writer * compulsive dancer * tree hugger * mooncup promoter * chocolate taster * house plant murderer *