Thursday, 25 October 2012

Panic attacks

Well we finally agreed another price with the vendor...I think. 

Only now Adriano has found a job in another county entirely which he would like to go for.  I am fully supportive of him wanting to a) work where we live (or live where he works); b) change jobs as he has been feeling the need for sometime now, and as he is THE breadwinner at the moment I think he should be free to do that.  

But.  I have been researching the New Area and I am getting panic attack after panic attack.  At first I was really up for it.  Amazingly so, given what a merry dance it has been this past couple of years.  However, although with this new job idea we would have more money, Adriano would also be working 5 days instead of 4 long days, with some travel included, in a job with more responsiblity, having to prove himself as you do at first.  The job is for 3 years and *may* be extended.  Then I looked seriously at the house prices.  Yes there are some we can afford.  But they are not that nice.  So I looked further into what the town is like to live in.  The results were not encouraging.  So I looked further afield to villages/small towns nearby (ish) which came recommended from forum discussions such as mumsnet.  Lovely, but totally out of our price range if we want to stop having every single penny accounted for.  And also pretty much in the middle of nowhere for me who is used to living in or near a city all my life so far...and I don't drive (that's a whole other post).  Literally every time I try a new tack it does not go well and I get a fresh round of full-on heart palpitations.  I am trying so hard to be a supportive wife, for many reasons,  most of them obvious.  But this is horrible.  Do I go with the flow?  Maybe he won't get the job.  But he seems to really want it, so I want that for him, I really do. 


I can't talk to him about this because over an hour ago I called him and he said he was in a meeting and would call me back in 15mins.  Being off part of the week with illness he probaby has an insane amount to catch up on and didn't feel great this morning anyway.  So I don't want to talk to him and be the moaning wife at the end of his hard day. 


I have been on my own all day with 2 small children and it is sometimes hard to keep things in perspective. 

My wrist still hurts but seems slightly improved so that's something.

C perked up a bit today thank goodness. 

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* proud new mother * last child * youngest daughter * tallest sister * favourite auntie * honest lover * furtive photographer * diary writer * compulsive dancer * tree hugger * mooncup promoter * chocolate taster * house plant murderer *