Thursday, 11 October 2012

Rambling chicken-counting when I should be in bed asleep

We finally had an offer accepted on a house yesterday.  If all goes to plan we will be moving about 45 miles east, where we know no one but where we can actually afford a mortgage.  The price of the house was almost exactly a third of the one opposite our current home.  And that's why we're moving. 

Since having children I have made so many friends round here.  It's going to be really difficult to leave them behind, particularly a couple of them.  Ironically the hardest friend to leave will actually be my most recently forged friendship, a mum of one of G's preschool buddies from last year, someone who I know I could have been friends with without the common ground of children.  It's terrifying to leave all of those connections behind in one fell swoop: they are what gets me through each day.

I am also starting to feel massive relief though.  Adriano and I have been through so much heartache in order to find a place we can afford and compromises we feel we can make.  There have been many disagreements in our outlook, particularly in the last 6 months or so.  Thank god we both agree that for now we don't want to leave our still very young children in the care of others while we both go to work 5 days a week.  But that means finding a way of existing on one income.  Every day, no matter how hard it is, I feel gratitude that I am 'allowed' to be the Mum to my children.  Because I *am* their mum.  No-one else is.  I would like us to be able to share the care more, so that Adriano gets the time at home he wants, and I can do other money-earning stuff during that time.  Maybe we can work towards that; it's a tricky balance to find.  Being a full-time mum means that our roles often feel too polarised but I think that, very generally speaking, kids need their mum.  Now I'm rambling.  Too tired to edit.  Good night.

No comments:

About Me

My photo
* proud new mother * last child * youngest daughter * tallest sister * favourite auntie * honest lover * furtive photographer * diary writer * compulsive dancer * tree hugger * mooncup promoter * chocolate taster * house plant murderer *